I Stopped Asking

In the beginning I still constantly questioned everything. Does this really work? Can you prove it? How do I explain it plausibly if the customers are right and the science is wrong? And if the science is right, what am I actually selling? All these uncomfortable questions plagued me for a long time.

Then the revenue started to develop nicely. With the revenue came the positive customer feedback, confirmations from customers who said thank you and athletes who said they had never performed so well. Among them were also regular people who told me their back pain had gotten better. And these were not exceptions, there were thousands of responses and I was standing somewhere in the middle. Between the scientists who said it was impossible and the customers who confirmed it. And I was earning money.

As I said, in the beginning the questions interested me and I was looking for real answers, but at some point the priorities shifted. Not consciously, but so clearly that the interest in asking questions at least continuously decreased and then the answers were no longer important either.

The question “Does this work?” eventually becomes the confirmation “People say it works” and then it turns into “It obviously works”. Apparently no further answers were necessary and nobody was asking questions anymore and then I stopped too.

I cannot remember the exact moment and it was not a single day when I decided to let it go. It just became less and less interesting, directly proportional to the revenue growth.

Self-deception simply does not work like a light switch. It slowly gets darker and darker but you do not notice because you have been there the whole time. Only when it is night do you realize you cannot see anything anymore.

I was honest with myself and dishonest at the same time. I saw that it helped people. For whatever reason. They felt better in any case and they wanted to believe it. After all they had spent nearly 40 euros on it and nobody wanted to embarrass themselves. What I quietly suspected but outwardly and consistently ignored was the possibility that the effect came from their heads, not from the hologram. I did sense the odd contradiction but the register was too good for me to bother putting it into words.

Because the register has its own logic. When the numbers are right every month, when the reorders come in and new markets open up, that carries a persuasive force stronger than any scientific study. Everyone wanted to jump on that train and nobody asked questions or looked for answers. Not because everyone was stupid but because success tells you every day: You are doing this perfectly. And who gets that kind of feedback every day?

I am not talking about criminal intent here but about what happens when money sets the beat. OK, that is the case almost everywhere because we all do our jobs. When the job pays off you drop the questions that could endanger it. Not because you are a bad person but because you are a reasonable person. Whether this is a neutral observation or already an excuse I cannot answer. Who has ever apologized for success? If you are successful you must be right?

I see the same pattern everywhere. In companies that know their product does not deliver what it promises but the quarterly numbers are fine. In relationships where both people know something is off but nobody asks because the answer would be too brutal and expensive.

The pattern is always the same. First you still ask, then you ask less often, and at some point you stop entirely. And then you defend the result against anyone who still asks questions.

The last step is the most dangerous one. Because from that point on you are not just deceiving yourself but actively making sure others do the same. You become a defender of a position you never consciously chose. You just slid into it.

Today I get uneasy when I have not asked an uncomfortable question in a while. When everything is running smoothly and nobody is pushing back. When the numbers are right and everyone is cheering. That was exactly the precursor back then. That is exactly how it started.

Self-deception does not start with a lie. It starts with a question you stop asking and a contradiction you do not speak out loud. When I stopped asking, the self-deception began.